“When I can no longer care for myself, I want to stay in my home.” We hear this often when discussing what type of care a client wants. Many revocable trust agreements state a desire for the grantor (the person creating the trust) to remain in the home. The home obviously seems the better choice versus a care facility (nursing home, memory care facility, assisted living, etc.), but, is it really? No one wants to think about the possibility of needing assistance as we age. However, it is better to think about it now, before it is too late. Children often disagree on “what is best” for mom or dad.
A person’s wishes and desires, in terms of what they want when they can no longer speak for themselves, often have not been expressed. When they have been expressed, how accurate is that expression? Who will make the decision of where you should be when you no longer can? If you aren’t sure, you might want to figure it out. It is a rather important decision. Here are some things to ponder:
- Is there one person in charge to make that decision? If not, what happens if the “group” doesn’t agree? Do you want a court to be involved?
- Do you object to being moved to a new location? What if your children live in other states? Do you want to move to a facility near a family member? If so, which one?
- Is staying in your home really a better option? Read up on this, get your facts straight, visit care facilities. If you have stated in legal documents, or to family members, your desire to stay in your home, make sure you are certain that is the best option. You may have second thoughts about your decision.
- Have you been upfront and honest with your children about your wishes?
- Do you want a child that is primarily responsible for you to be paid for his or her services? It is a little messy when you no longer have capacity and the caregiver/child is trying to explain that Mom said she wanted me to be paid for helping.
What you want, and what is best for you, are not always the same. Designating a person that you trust to make these decisions can prevent an unnecessary trip to the courthouse. A guardianship can be costly and intrusive.
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